What is Wise Parenting?
This course starts from the sensible acknowledgment that it is impossible to be a perfect parent. If we get it right about half the time, then we are probably doing ok. At the same time, we want to do the best we can, don’t we? Both parents and kids can benefit from making wise choices. And that is the focus of this course.
Wise parenting is learning to take 100% responsibility for what we can control, and learning to recognise and get more comfortable with what we cannot.
The only things we can fully control are, what we say and do – particularly when we respond to difficult situations. We cannot fully control the thoughts or behaviours of others, and that includes our kids. But we can do our darnedest to create an environment where they feel trusted, valued and safe – where we role-model, resilience, calm under pressure, and making wise choices. We can “grow” amazing kids.
When your child is kicking off, are there moments when you feel overwhelmed and incapable of being your “best self”?
* Do you struggle to gain your kids’ confidence?
* Do you find it difficult to get them to take responsibility for their own behaviour?
* Do you feel guilty that you’re not doing the job as well as you should?
* Do you wish you could inspire them to work better, or be more
enthusiastic about their studies?
* Or do you just want to see if there are some ideas out there
that would build on what you already know?
A nurturing environment is one that is not just physically safe, but psychologically safe – and we achieve that through the “stories” we communicate to our kids.
Do our actions and words communicate our faith, trust and curiosity in them? … or are we, unwittingly, letting them know that we don’t trust their judgment, and value them only when they have “achieved” something worthwhile? Or are we labelling them as having a “fixed” personality such as, “a dreamer”, “nervous”, “a goodie two-shoes”? Is this a story that we inherited from our own parents?
If we are projecting any kind of negative, or fixed, story on our kids then it might be time to change our story filter…
What is Story-Guided Mentoring?
The biggest story in our life is the one we tell ourself about ourself. This story is running through our head every second of every day whether we like it or not. We are automatically asking ourselves things like, “Is what just happened, fair?”, “Was that person being respectful enough towards me?”, “Does that mean they don’t love me?”, and so on.
We can regularly answer these questions with stories of what should or could have happened as opposed to what did. These stories are “angles” on the facts – not the facts themselves. The stories are skewed and edited by all sorts of influences – our value system, our upbringing, past traumas and many other things. Some aspects of that story, often the most painful thoughts, are pushed down into our unconscious.
When we do not address this unconscious story and fail to take control of it, it can sometimes be the narrative that runs our emotional life. As the psychologist Carl Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious, conscious it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
The ability to understand the mechanics of how stories work (what we can call classical story structure), and to apply these observations to the negative stories in our head, can be the most effective personal tool to:
* Manage emotional challenges
* To sustain self-esteem
* To build and support intimacy and trust in relationships
* To provide the bedrock for a sense of purpose and meaning
* To maximise creative potential in work and life
* And, to enable our best performance as a parents
Learning to tell healthy new stories synthesises many social disciplines and developmental tools including;
* philosophical and ethical considerations
* the development of empathy and compassion
* the inspiration for dogged allegiance to a personal value system.
When we are under pressure and everything starts to go south, the biggest obstacle to performing at our best is often a negative story running in our head, telling us that we are, in some way, a “bad” person – this can happen unconsciously. And, before you know it, we are shouting or panicking or freezing. Parents and children are perfectly configured to trigger these emotions in each other. It’s a painful experience for all – but we need not be stuck in this place forever. Our negative stories are often very old, but we can “break the cycle” of generational misunderstanding and poor communication style if we have the right help. Story-Guided Mentoring provides that help.
This is not a painful process – it is full of curiosity in knowing ourselves and others better. And, even when there has been terrible emotional pain, we can find joy and connection in the process.
Contact us for course dates and opportunities: